Happy Holidays

positive thoughts

Today I'm sending positive thoughts for my dear friend Sue, who has been my inspiration for blogging. Sue, you better make it. My blog can't go on without you.

I could have drowned

I had my first swimming lesson on Sunday, and I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before how much a HATE water. I admit the cool water felt good on such a hot day, but i did not like it.



It felt good to sit in the sun and dry off. I'm much happier in the sun.

caught on tape...

a-call-to-action

I had an itchy day. I think it's an allergy...I can't stop scratching. Plus, I'm shedding like crazy. Shouldn't I be saving up for my winter coat? I could probably gather all my hair balls up and make a sweater. I feel all out of whack. When Christina got home this evening she made Thai shrimp spring rolls. They looked delicious. I learned that they are wrapped in something called rice paper. All I heard was rice. I do love rice. She gave me a taste. There was no rice that I could see, and I didn't like it. The good news is that she remembered to feed me dinner.

Earlier today, I read an interesting article on quantum physics. It's titled "The cat is dead. The cat is alive." The catchy title obviously peaked my interest . I'm attaching the article, but you will have to click on the photo to enlarge it. The idea is complex and confusing, but very interesting. Since it's based on thought, one would have to believe that if we are to have positive expectations, then there is a possibility that the outcome will be positive. Not always the case, if you've ever tested the theory. I'm an optimist. I believe the cat will be alive. And then, I will chase the cat.

I try not to have many expectations. I love going for rides in the car. Every time I hear the keys jingle I am immediately up and at the door waiting to go, hoping that I will be allowed to go. Rarely do I actually get to go. Disappointment prevails, and at last I'm left staring out the window watching the car drive away without me. I should know by now that I will be informed to grab my jacket, because we're going out. Christina always tells me to get my jacket if she plans on taking me. Though, I never actually grab my jacket, I do have one. It's very suitable in the winter months.

I few posts ago I talked about being reactive like humans. It's something I'm constantly working on. Sometimes I drive myself crazy, trying not to do something. Sometimes I just have to bark, even if it's just one. I have to get it out. I've tried doing the "silent" bark, but it's just not the same. I've even tried writing about the bark, I even read about barking. There are days when nothing can subside the urge. Today I barked a little at something I didn't need to bark at.

We create what we feel, what we want. We manifest. I thought so much about not doing something, I had no choice but to do it. To satisfy a deep, heart-aching call to action. The problem is that most of the time, things are not what they seem. Sometimes that deep, heart-aching call is just a reaction. An assumption. A call of attention to a situation, for resolution.

I'm having another deep, heart-aching call to action right now...it's a bag a pretzels sitting on the table next to me. On another note, I fear that I may be eating my emotions, but more on that later.

(click to enlarge article)

where are my baby carrots?

Tonight I went running with Christina. We haven't gone running in months. I wasn't really in the mood, i just wanted to sniff around...NOT TO MENTION...someone forgot to feed me dinner. I don't ask for much. A comfortable bed to sleep in, several intermittent doses of attention throughout the day, and a meal in the morning and in the evening.

All i could think about was coming home to cuddle with Bear.

my first time driving!

I forgot to mention, that Sedona/Arizona road trip was the first time i learned to drive. To be honest I prefer to be driven. I'd rather hang my head out the window and take in the scenery.

letting go

I've been observing human behavior for the last 10 years, or 70, in human years. It's amazing they can have relationships at all. It's my opinion that people have far too many insecurities. Like me, we all have a protective instinct, but humans tend to be much more vulnerable. I've seen them coping in all sorts of ways, and I've watched enough Oprah to know a thing or to. I too have had my "ah-ha" moment.

A few years ago i was taken to Sedona on a vacation visiting family. Christina and i climbed to the top of one of those big red rock vortex's. It was breathtaking. I felt like i was on top of the world. I could see out for miles. Then it hit me. I am who i am. I'm a dog. I love my dogness. I'm doggy, and I like it.

I had a best friend when i was growing up, her name was Nikki. She taught me to catch flies, and although i never quite got the hang of it she was an excellent howler. She was bigger than me, a different breed. Her fur was mostly golden, but her ears and snout had darker fur. She looked like she was part wolf. She was the best. She played with me all day when i was a puppy. She was older though. She had been part of the family for a long time.

The first couple of years we were together were the best. Over time, I could tell her health was deteriorating. Her joints would get soar making it hard for her to stand, and she couldn't run and play with me like she used to. In her final days i stayed close, but not too close. I knew it would hurt to let go. In the days following i didn't have much of a zest for life, or an appetite for that matter. Every morning i woke expecting to run out and play with her, but she was gone.

I knew she was in a happy place and that i would always have her memory. As months went on, i became the "favorite child" as i was the only child. I was doted and favored. It was time to be the dog i came here to be. Christina and I became very close. she played with me everyday, and took me for walks. Years of joyful memories were built.

I had been sensing something was happening. Christina told me she would be going away for a while, and that i had to stay. She told me that i would be happy here, after all it was my home. It was all i knew. She said she had to go. She had to find her human-ness just as i found my dog-ness. I was devastated. I kept telling myself it was a bad dream. I stayed in her room waiting for her to come home for weeks. Eventually, I realized that I had to be the best dog I could be. Maybe if she heard how great i had been, she would come home.

She came home for the holidays. She was happy. I had never seen her like this. She had found her human-ness, but what about me? She promised she would come back for me one day, and that she thought of me everyday. I thought of her everyday too. I knew she would be back. I loved her the best i possibly could every time i saw her, and she loved me just the same.

As years went on, I got used to seeing her only a couple of times a year, and hearing her voice occasionally on the answering machine. I started enjoying the simple pleasures, like barking at cats that lurked around the front yard at night. Besides, Christina's mom had been a great companion. I discovered all sorts of snacks i had never been privy too before, like popcorn. The two of us watched old movies, her on one couch, me on the other. I had nothing to complain about. I admit, i had my moments of frustration and resentment, i even lashed out at another dog once, biting him, hard!

Christina's home again, and i couldn't be happier. I knew she would come back. Those 5 years taught me a lot. It wasn't easy letting go. I hated it. That's the other problem with humans, they don't know when to let go. Just like dogs, sometimes they need more leash than you're willing to give. I had a short leash when i was a puppy. As i grew older, i was trusted more. I was allowed outside without a leash. I never ran away, except for that one time...

Trust is a tricky thing. I swear chasing that dog down the street felt like the right thing to do. Human trust, seems much more complicated. Christina's been missing someone for a while. I know who it is, but i'd rather not say. We talk about her sometimes. I didn't know her that well, but we stayed at her house sometimes. She didn't play with me, but she was nice. Sometimes we would sit on the stoop of the front door in the morning's soaking up the sun, my favorite thing to do in the morning.

I do have one thing in common with people, we are both reactive. When we feel something, when we want something, it's hard to think about anything else. It has taken me years, but it is a trans-formative experience to learn to pause. The stop and acknowledge our emotional reactions. After a while it becomes easier to refrain.

My Buddhist teachers have taught me that everything is based on fear and suffering. We suffer because we don't want to let go. As a dog i don't have many fears, except vacuums. I'm terrified of vacuums. I admit it's a ridiculous fear. As a dog I'm very much aware of my mortality. Humans however, seem to be as terrified with death as i am a vacuum. I like to embrace uncertainty. In one of my favorite books called "When things fall apart" the Buddhist writer talks about being being preoccupied with our self, or someone, or a situation. Humans tend to shut out the rest of life. She says, "it's like being deaf and blind. It's like standing in the middle of a field of wildflowers with a black hood over our heads. It's like coming upon a tree of singing birds with headphones on."

I was home alone tonight. I caught up on some reading. I don't like being home alone, and I like it much better when Christina reads to me. I've learned that when you do things you love, like reading in my case, I'm not preoccupied with being alone. Life is fleeting, and I'm sad to report I'm more than half way through mine. I'm going to love as much as i can possibly love. I will not judge, unless I sense that someone has ill intentions. I will eat all the popcorn i choose (in moderation of course), and I will spend my days exploring. I will wake up everyday next to someone i love, who loves me. I will appreciate the past, but leave it behind. I will be in the moment, of every moment. I will let go of wanting to hold onto something that will not last. I will feel joy, when i feel joy. I will feel sad, when i am sad. I will feel what should be felt, but i will not die on this hill.

I have dreams of going to Ireland, to run the vast and lush hills of green, chasing sheep, running my little heart out.

new portraits

I just finished a photo shoot. Most of the time i can be rather camera shy. It takes me a while to warm up. I don't like posing unnaturally. Since i got my haircut yesterday, all i needed was my glasses adjusted.





Now that I'm older i thought i should have a more dignified portrait of myself...

my favorites

I recently became addicted to baby carrots and pretzels. I can't help myself. Baby carrots are my favorite. I have a bag just for me in the fridge. I don't like when they're all wet and slippery though, it's hard to get a good grip and they end up flying out of my mouth. I tried watermelon for the first time last week, it was amazing.

other delicacies that make me happy:
popcorn
rice
peanut butter (even though it makes my mouth feel funny)
chips
watermelon (seedless)
cheese
french fries
and i go wild for turkey bacon...I'm drooling just thinking about it!

bananas and sap

I woke up early today and went out in the living room to my usual spot on the couch where i can look out the window. The neighbor across the street was out in his garage as usual. I guess he lives out there with his dog, he's always out there. Nobody lives in our garage, just some boxes and a car. The dog across the street keeps to himself mostly, but i don't mind, he's doesn't shake my fancy anyway. There was a dog next door though that i desperately want to go out and sniff. I pressed my nose against the cold window, hoping to get just a hint of a whiff. All i could smell was a banana and the sap i have stuck to the bottom of my paws from that pine tree in the backyard. i've had sap on my feet for months! sometimes i try to chew it off, but it's so bitter i make a funny faces. Nothing was holding my attention so i decided to go back to bed for a while.

Sometimes it's cold in the mornings so i crawl up to the top of the bed and curl up with an extra pillow. A few hours later when i woke, I was let outside. I was welcomed with a cool breeze, and with that breeze came a heap of scents from all over the neighborhood. I like to sun bathe in the mornings on a bench. it's important i get my vitamin D. i like to keep my coat as shiny as possible. Speaking of my coat, i got another haircut today, i can't say i hate it. It's calming, the brush running gently through my fur. Plus, i always get lots of compliments and feel much lighter when it's over. Bath's on the other hand...let's just say i'm not a fan of water.

In the evening i went for a walk to the park, where i saw the biggest kite i've ever scene. i was mesmerized. To my disappointment there were no other dogs out, just a few people. The grass must not have been mowed for a while, because it covered my legs. I love running through a field of tall grass i can barely see over. it feels like an adventure.

When i returned home I had dinner and watched a bit of t.v. I reluctantly watched "i shouldn't be alive" it tends to give me nightmares. A surfer from the California coast was telling his story about being bit by a shark. I knew there was a reason i don't like water. I knew it! I do love the beach though. Sometimes i run up to the edge of the water just to see what the ocean washed up, but run back quickly. One time i turned away and almost got swept up by a wave. i nearly pee'd myself, or maybe i did. i couldn't tell i was soaking wet.

I miss the beach, i've only gone a couple of times this year. Maybe if Christina gets her car back Friday, she'll take me. Last time we went to the beach it was cold and cloudy, but we still had a nice time.

ipad and other things

I've been asking for an ipad for weeks. I've been doing a lot of reading and it's hard to turn pages with my paws. I recently read a book by a dog named Enzo, and it was very good. He too had the same complaint about no thumbs. Maybe if i had thumbs i wouldn't need an ipad. Nonetheless, it got me thinking...why don't I write? I decided to start a journal, but again, having no thumbs made it difficult. A blog was the next best thing.

From here on, I'll share my thoughts, my insights, and the occasional rant about the cat that walks the fence.